Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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