i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
