I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
