You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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