Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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