peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
