hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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