butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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