Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who died my cat blue again?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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