I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
