i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So much rum. So many feels.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
