i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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