Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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