So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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