things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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