yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
