I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
