M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
