i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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