Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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