If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
