Tell her she can't have a vagina
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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