craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
