she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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