there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
