...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
