ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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