i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize