how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
