My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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