Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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