Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize