Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
