People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
