i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
