wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
