your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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