I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
