Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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