Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
