my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
