We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
