I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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