So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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