and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
