So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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