Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
