I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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