i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
