Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
