I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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