Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
