I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I look better un-naked...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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