you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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