I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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