"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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