Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
