i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
