I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize