Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hippo gnu deer
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
