: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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