I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
