counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
