oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
