you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
