I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
