There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
