i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
