Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
