I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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