dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
