My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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