where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize